More people are searching for “what are the rules for divorce” and experts think that COVID is generating those searches. You know the old saying, “you don’t know someone until you live with them” well that may have to change to “you don’t know someone until you are quarantined with them”.
The divorce rate was already at about 42% before COVID made its introduction to the world. What happens when you take an unstable situation and you mix in the added stress of a pandemic? You get more couples searching for answers by typing in “what are the rules for divorce” into online search engines.
The Harsh Reality of Divorce and COVID
COVID 19 has put a nasty spin on just about everything we do in life, including the divorce rate. Experts predict that there will be an upswing in divorces directly related to the stress it has put on families.
If you are wondering what are the rules for divorce, you are not alone. Many couples are facing the same thoughts. Some are already reaching out to a divorce attorney to get the skinny on what are the rules for divorce because they just are at their breaking point.
Why is COVID being blamed for the uptick in searches about what are the rules for divorce? In two words, stress. COVID 19 has turned our lives upside down. More people are working remotely from home, the kids are home from school, and there is concerns about the scarcity of resources. The stress of all it combined is tearing relationships apart.
A family law attorney asked about the uptick in searches for what are the rules for divorce, reports that he is seeing more clients that are deciding that they cannot live together anymore because of fundamental beliefs about the pandemic, but that is not the only thing that seems to be driving people apart during this very divisive era in the US.
Some couples are together so much that they cannot tolerate the things that used to annoy them minimally about each other. A big problem in addition to the COVID 19 driven problems seems to be political differences.
Some couples report that they have agreed divorce is the answer because of their political party affiliation. Evidently because of COVID 19, and the lockdown, couples have been thrown into a situation where they cannot meet with friends and voice their opinions, instead of voicing their opinions to their spouses. The constant barrage of comments, and political rhetoric, and nowhere to go but the living room to spew it, has become too much for some couples.
In other words, more people are searching for what are the rules for divorce, because they are searching for a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Somehow divorce is becoming the answer to dealing with a pandemic. Experts believe that the uptick is because of the lack of control people have in other areas of their lives.
The good news is, you and your spouse can avoid become a COVID 19 divorce statistic. Now that you know that stress, uncertainty, and the need to control your situation is the driving force behind your search for what are the rules for divorce, you can do something about it.
Saving Your Marriage During a Pandemic
If things were going well before the pandemic, or even if you were fighting to keep things together with your spouse, there are steps that you can take to ease some of the stress, and get your marriage back on track. The first thing you need to do is to realize that you are not alone, we are all frustrated, and we are all at the end or our ropes. This pandemic has been raging for months, and we have had to make a lot of changes because of the pandemic.
It is not easy to be with the same people, even if they are family, around the clock with little reprieve. However, you can get through this and keep your family intact. Instead of reaching out to a family law attorney, search for help to mend your relationship, even if it means doing some virtual marriage counseling.
Most people simply do not have the tools to navigate this crazy COVID situation. They find themselves having blowouts over the simplest things like a missing garage door opener because they are so stressed and looking for ways to release some steam. Connecting with a counseling service can help to ease some of the stress, and provide you and your partner with the tools that you need to face difficulties together.
Here are a few things to keep in mind as you learn to live with COVID 19 and all the fallout:
- You and your family will adjust. No need to contact child custody lawyers looking for permanent solutions to try to fix a temporary problem. Better days are coming, you just have to hang in there until they arrive.
- You can proactively take some steps that will help to relieve stress within your family. Your first step in trying to keep things together is to recognize that the entire family is under a great deal of stress. Your next step is to find ways to reduce stress in the household.
- There is professional help available and there is no shame in tapping into that help.
There was a study done a few years back that found that couples fight over money, cleaning the house, and how they raise their kids. Those top three things, likely have exponentially become bigger issues for most couples.
Many American families are dealing with financial woes right now. One of the ways you and your spouse can take control of the problem is to sit down together and write out a budget, then stick to it. Having a budget in place that you both agree too can help to ease a lot of stress in the relationship.
If cleaning the house before was a bone of contention between you and your spouse, it likely has gone from disagreements to full-blown fights now that everyone is home, and the messiness is increased ten-fold. Consider hiring a maid service to get things in order, then come up with a “chore chart” where everyone in the household does their part. Enforce the chore chart.
Assigning chores delivers two very clear benefits. First, the housework gets done. Second, everyone has a purpose. Kids as young as 2 years old can manage simple chores. Giving everyone responsible for the housework ensures that everyone stays busy and helps to keep their mind off the pandemic.
Instead of contacting the family law firm to figure out what are the rules for divorce consider the other professionals that can help you and your family stay intact. Consider tapping into the following experts to help get you and your spouse through this rough patch:
- Many states have set up mental health hotlines where you can speak to someone for free about your feelings. Use it. Instead of yelling at your spouse about anything and everything to deal with the stress, speak to a professional about your feelings. It can help.
- If you are worried about money, consider speaking to a financial advisor. A financial advisor is not only available to the wealthy, they can provide you with tips on how to live on a budget.
- If you have to move during the pandemic reach out to real estate agents that can help you navigate the move. Many agents are also relocation experts and they can help to ease the transition for you and your family.
Don’t look at reaching out for professional help as a failure on your part. It is actually admirable to know when you are in over your head and need some support. It will take just as long to find support as it would to find the answer to what are the rules for divorce.
What About the Kids?
Remember, in the top three reasons couples fight, there was that one about the kids. Raising kids is already stressful. Of course, there is also so much joy involved as well, but there is a lot of worries which triggers stress when you are raising kids.
If raising your kids together was already causing disputes, those disputes about parenting are likely to escalate when everyone is together 24/7. Many parents do not realize that children know how to read the room and work it to their advantage. Providing a united front is a very important part of parenting.
How can you ease the stress for the children and thereby relieve some of the stress on your relationship? Keep the kids busy, maintain a schedule, and get them outdoors. Yes, all of their extracurricular activities have been canceled, school is being taught from the dining room table, and they cannot really socialize with their friends, but there are things you can do to keep them busy.
Maybe soccer, baseball, basketball, football, dance class and more has been put on hold, but that does not mean there are no extracurriculars they can participate in. For example, online music education classes are an option. They may not be able to go physically to classes, but there are a lot of options online that will take up their time. They will stay busy, and learn something new.
The lack of physical activity is also likely making the kids a little antsier than usual. For their mental health, and yours, get them outside. Make family walks part of your daily routine. Walking not necessarily an option where you live? That’s okay, what about biking. A custom road bike for each family member can start a new tradition for your family. Get out there together and ride around.
In the absence of a bike, and not being able to walk, what other forms of exercise can you and your family get together? Try these things:
- Turn the living room into a dance floor. Move the coffee table out of the way and turn up the music. Dancing is a great exercise and a great way to relieve stress. Hold dance contests for the kids, consider throwing together some dance costumes, and just let everyone shake it all out.
- Make YouTube your friend. There are so many exercise instructional videos online that you can tap into for you and your kids to get moving. Kids yoga, adult yoga, cardio programs, strength training, you name it, you can find it online. Schedule in some exercise every day with the kids by using YouTube as your exercise guru.
- Throw a ball around in the yard. Get the baseball mitts out and get out in the yard. It is good for everyone in your household to be outdoors for at least part of the day every day. Find something you can do together, even if its just picking up rocks or hunting for bugs.
Doing things together will tighten your bonds. Getting exercise together tightens your bond and helps to reduce stress in the household. Before you call the family law firm to learn about what are the rules for divorce, talk to your spouse about coming to terms with rules for your kids.
Open Communication and Self Awareness is Key
This is not an ideal time for any of us. Being in touch with your own feelings, and being able to express those feelings to your spouse is more critical than ever. Instead of looking up what are the rules for divorce or talking to an attorney, talk to your spouse about your feelings.
Pick a time when you and your spouse can focus on just each other, and talk about your situation. If you have money fears, express them, if you are upset because you tell the kids no, and they say yes, talk about it. If it is political views, ban political talk from the house. Whatever it is that is eating at your relationship, discuss.
When you search for what are the rules for divorce, you will get information about the process, but what you won’t get is information about the grieving process that follows a divorce, the sadness that it causes children, and the real stress that it causes.
A good piece of advice is to not make any decisions about what the rules of divorce are and whether they are rules you can deal with right now. Give your relationship some time to adjust to the “new normal”.