Are you looking at getting divorced? You are certainly not the only one. So many people get divorced after two years that Mexico was looking at issuing temporary marriage licenses that only last for two years. So you are not the only couple. That does not make the experience any easier to live through, however, and it is a hard thing to go through. From finding the right divorce attorney for your situation to getting your financial records, there are things you can do to make the process easier to survive.
- Know that there are no “winners” in a divorce. When you start the process of a divorce, you may be angry. You may have every reason in the world to be angry. You have to let some of that go. If you only seek out divorce attorneys who will work to devastate your spouse, you will end up hurting yourself at least as much. The divorce process is going to be hard enough on everyone involved and some compromises will have to be made. The more you accept this going into your divorce, the easier things will be.
- Get the right divorce attorney or your situation. Like doctors do, lawyers specialize. You may have a very simple situation and can pursue an uncontested divorce or you may have a very complicated situation. You need to find a divorce attorney who has experience dealing with the issues that are involved in your situation. This includes custody issues, financial issues and business issues. Talk to the different divorce lawyers about how much experience they have, not just with divorces but with your specific issues.
- Ask the divorce lawyers about both their experience negotiating and in the courtroom. Most of the work that goes into your divorce will be in the negotiations with the other side. Therefore, you need a divorce attorney who has a lot of experience negotiating. At the same time, you always need to be prepared to go to court so you need them to have a decent amount of experience in that arena. You should not want to go to court but having a plan for that is always a good thing.
- Get copies of all of your financial records. You will have to separate all of your marital assets, being able to show what is and was yours before the marriage can help your divorce attorney help you walk away from your divorce with everything you should.
- Keep the kids out of it. If you think that the divorce process is hard on you, you should know it is harder on children. If you have kids, do not speak badly about your spouse to them or around them. They may not show the stress they feel but they are experiencing this and may not be able to express it. They need to be reassured that this has nothing to do with them. Even if you hear that your spouse has said mean or hurtful things, do not stoop to that level. If you are asked about these comments, explain that this is a hard process and that the other person is upset. You may want to look into family counseling for your kids (and yourself) to help you with this process.
- Reach out to friends and family. You may know people who have been through this, and the likelihood is good that you do. When people are upset they can tend to isolate themselves and while this feels like a good idea at the time, it can make you feel a lot worse. You need the support of your friends and family when you are going through a divorce.
- Be good to yourself. This is not a good time to spend your free time beating yourself up for what you could have, would have or should have done differently. This is a good time to start a new hobby that you always wanted to try or get yourself a massage. You can pamper yourself a little when you are going through a hard time. When you treat yourself better, you put yourself in a better position to treat everyone else better.
Divorces are hard but you can survive yours with some help.